I have so many thoughts in my head right now, lingering thoughts, it’s a mess up here.
College is hard, no fucking shit. It’s hard. I’m not going to sugarcoat it or what, but it is, I can’t post the full details here but here it goes:
I can’t decide whether I want to continue or not, I’m no longer happy with what I’m doing like I used to back in high school, maybe my interests on certain matters shifted or maybe because I’m just going through a really hard time with all the workloads and shit, I used to think that I was impenetrable and that nothing can bring me down but right now I’m lower than low, don’t get me wrong I still have my big plans with me and what I want to be in the future but I don’t how to get there, it’s in blurred lines. I always say that if you’re not happy with something, someone or the situation you’re in just leave like what’s the point of doing something if you’re not happy with what you’re doing, it’s going to show on your work and on yourself, but the thought of leaving? Right now, it’s not that easy to decide.
My friends and classmates in College said that I should just let it go, if I want to, it’s a free world anyway and I can decide whatever the fuck I want, but you see, it’s easier said than done especially on something that might bring bigger opportunities with you.
In the end, I always think of my happiness, but isn’t that selfishness? You’re only thinking of your happiness, what about others like my parents or friends or sibling or etc. The main point is, I’m stressed, possibly depressed too but I don’t know so let’s put that aside for now, and unhappy with what I’m going through right now, a friend of mine once said that, at least I gained some experience and I now know how it feels and maybe next time, I can try again and if not, at least my knowledge about that certain matter increased.
I don’t know, I always suck at making decisions, I always keep on pressuring myself, actually my biggest enemy is myself, I have all these insecurities inside me but I keep it bottled up inside there, I know it’s not good to keep it bottled up inside, I know, I’m hard-headed.
College is really the time you get to know yourself better and discover yourself more, you either use it to your advantage or you don’t, either way you decide your own destiny and whether you choose right or wrong, in the end you learned a lesson from it and as Queen Latifah once said, “I made decisions that I regret, and I took them as learning experiences… I’m human, not perfect, like anybody else”